I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
