it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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