now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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