is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
