i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
