Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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