well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
