you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
