i permit you to call me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
