I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
