White coat. Heels.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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