I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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