Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
