Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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