If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
