i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
