Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
