oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
