Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
