Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
as a side note pls kill me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
