Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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