great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
