She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
