highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
