I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
