Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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