dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We have started to decorate penises.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
