Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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