yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
