? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
