last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
