also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
