oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
