1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
