dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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