Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
