did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
