but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
