I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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