It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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