hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize