none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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