Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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