i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
