so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
