I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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