I CAN MOONWALK!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
