The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
