he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
