I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
