I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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