This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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